


road work ahead

by arhat (plantmajor), plantmajor



Series: who gave lance a phone [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Humor, M/M, Memes, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Tags May Change, Texting, Vines
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-06-05 00:28:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15158471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plantmajor/pseuds/arhat, https://archiveofourown.org/users/plantmajor/pseuds/plantmajor
Summary: (12:29 PM): [ betterthankeith→ “detective furry is on the case” ]betterthankeith:nosebetterthankeith:lol i just typed that with my nosekogayne:penisor, another one of those voltron chat fics(this time with 100% more memes, vines, and weird shit)





	1. lance's missing bra pt. 1

**Author's Note:**

> HEY IT"S ARCHER I AM BACK BUT REAL QUICK:
> 
> 1) maybe read the other two fics in the who gave lance a phone series
> 
> 2) maybe read the end note for more info
> 
> THANKS HAVE A GOOD TIME READING <3

**(4:27): [ lance_mccla1n** **_→_ ** **whatahunk, knifelover437 ]**

 

 **lance_mccla1n:** hunk where’s my lucky bra 

 **whatahunk:** idk its not at my place

 **lance_mccla1n:** are you suuuuuuuure

 **lance_mccla1n:** can u check for me pwease

 **whatahunk:** i’m at work i’m not going to go home and check for your disgusting bra, you furry

 **lance_mccla1n:** homophobia

 **whatahunk:** agwdhgshagj its NOT

 **lance_mccla1n:** i think me, a Bisexual Legend, knows what homophobia is

 **whatahunk:** i thought u were american

 **lance_mccla1n:** jdjdjjdjdjdj

 **lance_mccla1n:** rip vine :’(

 **whatahunk:** it’s been two years

 **lance_mccla1n:** R I P V I NE :’’’’’’’’(((((

 **lance_mccla1n:** but anyways when u get home please look for my bra

 **knifelover437:** Your what

 **lance_mccla1n:** KEITH AHGSHDGSG

 **whatahunk:** ohmyfuckugggngn

 **lance_mccla1n:** what are you doing here????? 

 **knifelover437:** YOU invited me

 **lance_mccla1n:** no i didnt????

 **lance_mccla1n:** oh wait no

 **lance_mccla1n:** yes i did

 **whatahunk:** mood

 **knifelover437:** Wh

 **knifelover437:** How is that a mood

 **lance_mccla1n:** it was an accident adding you but ill take advantage of it

 **lance_mccla1n:** have u seen a bra anywhere in our shitty apartment

 **knifelover437:** Why

 **knifelover437:** How

 **lance_mccla1n:** you dont know what i do when ur gone….

 **lance_mccla1n:** i could have.. lady friends.. over(;;;

 **knifelover437:** Lol 

 **whatahunk:** lol

 **lancemccla1n:** agsgdgdgdg just ANS WE R THE QU E S T I ON 

 **knifelover437:** Jfc

 **knifelover437:** No????? Why would there be one anyways??

 **lance_mccla1n:** shit 

 **knifelover437:** I’m so confused

 **lance_mccla1n:** it has 2 be at ur place hunk

 **whatahunk:** ugh fine

 **whatahunk: i** ’ll lyk when my shift’s over

 **lance_mccla1n:** thank you ily

 **whatahunk:** ilyt

 **whatahunk:** reluctantly

 **lance_mccla1n:** HEY

 **(4:38 PM) [ whatahunk** **_has left the conversation_ ** **]**

 **lance_mccla1n:** bicth

 **knifelover437:** *bitch

 **lance_mccla1n:** keith no its

 **lance_mccla1n:** it’s supposed to be a vine

 **knifelover437:** Isnt Vine dead????? 

 **lance_mccla1n:** too soon

 **knifelover437:** Hasnt it been two years??

 **lance_mccla1n:** TOO SOON

 

* * *

 

 **(5:48 PM): [ whatahunk** **_→_ ** **lance_mccla1n ]**

 

 **whatahunk:** not here

 **lance_mccla1n:** F u c K

 **whatahunk:** how did you lose iy

 **whatahunk:** you never do

 **whatahunk:** its your LUCKY bra 

 **lance_mccla1n:** idk!!! its just

 **lance_mccla1n:** GONE

 **whatahunk:** maybe you left it at shiro’s house?

 **lance_mccla1n:** ew no

 **lance_mccla1n:** he’s like the unluckiest person i know i wouldn’t contaminate my bra with his unluckiness

 **lance_mccla1n:** i once saw him trip over nothing

 **lance_mccla1n:** twice. within five minutes. and he face planted BOTH TIMES.

 **whatahunk:** rip shiro :’(

 **lance_mccla1n:** rip shiro :’(

 **lance_mccla1n:** but seriously it’s only been at your place or mine or FUCK

 **whatahunk:** wow, can’t believe that your lucky bra has been to FUCK, Austria

 **lance_mcla1n:** no shushhh

 **lance_mccla1n:** wait is that a real place

 **whatahunk:** i think its actually called Fucking but yeah

 **lance_mccla1n:** lets go one day 4 our anniversary

 **whatahunk:** of what

 **lance_mccla1n:** our friendship <333333

 **whatahunk:** <333333

 **lance_mccla1n:** ANYWAYS i’m 127839729873% sure that it’s probably at pidge’s place

 **whatahunk:** if it’s more than a hundred percent then it wouldn’t be “probably” but go off i guess

 **lance_mccla1n:** i know but i got unsure while i was typing but i was too lazy to change the percent to like 95%

 **whatahunk:** that’s valid 

 **lance_mccla1n:** can u give me a ride to pidge & matt’s please

 **whatahunk:** f i n e

 **whatahunk:** but only b/c u said please!!!

 

* * *

 

  **(5:59 PM): [ knifelover437** **_→_ ** **pidgtch ]**

 

 **knifelover437:** Do you own a lucky bra

 **pidgtch:** lance told you about his?

 **knifelover437:** He didn't tell me what it was

 **knifelover437:** He just asked me about it accidentally

 **pidgtch:** he is really bad at using messages.

 **pidgtch:** also why did you ask me specifically??? am I the only girl you know??

 **knifelover437:** I know allura

 **pidgtch:** and….????

 **knifelover437:** and you

 **pidgtch:**?????

 **knifelover437:** Can you just tell me what a lucky bra is

 **pidgtch:** 1) i don’t have one 2) most bra-wearers don’t

 **pidgtch:** 3) lance is not a drag queen it’s just a bra he wore once for a dare and he had a good day that day so now he thinks it’s ‘lucky’ and brings it with him whenever he feels unlucky

 **knifelover437:** That sadly makes a lot of sense

 **pidgtch:** ok anywayswhy is that your name still

 **knifelover437:** It’s not like I can change it

 ******pidgtch:** what the fuck yes you can change it

 **[ pidgtch** **_has changed_ ** **knifelover437** **_’s name to_ ** **guy-with-knife-fetish ]**

 **guy-with-knife-fetish:** i hate you

 **pidgtch:** you’re welcome

 **guy-with-knife-fetish:** Also lance and hunk are going to your place to look for the bra so

 **pidgtch:** u gh

 

* * *

 

 **(6:16): [ pidgtch** **_→_ ** **lance_mccla1n ]**

 

 **pidgtch:** i do not have your bra fuck off i’m gonna sleep 

 **lance_mccla1n:** it’s 6 pm

 **pidgtch:** exactly

 **lance_mccla1n:** but then where’s my braaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 


	2. lance just blue himself

**(12:29 AM): [ lance_mccla1n** **_→_ ** **“matt is an anime fucker” ]**

 

 **lance_mccla1n:** hey everyone hapy america day

 **allura-borealis:** i’m not american

 **pidgtch:** i’m not american

 **whatahunk:** i’m not american

 **hlepme:** i’m not american

 **guy-with-knife-fetish:** i’m not american

 **MattyBRaps:** i’m not american

 **lance_mccla1n:** pidge and matt what hell you were born here

 **MattyBRaps:** wrong

 **MattyBRaps:** i was born on the canadian border line on an airplane

 **whatahunk:** woah what the fuck

 **lance_mccla1n:** 1) that’s awesome tell me more 2) pidge explain yourself

 **pidgtch:** i refuse america

 **whatahunk:** rt

 **lance_mccla1n:** rt

 **MattyBRaps:** rt

 **hlepme:** rt

 **lance_mccla1n:** wait who is guy with knife fetish

 **whatahunk:** did you really have to ask that

 **lance_mccla1n:** okay true but?? how did he change his name i thought you couldn’t

 **pidgtch:** how are you guys older than me

 **[ pidgtch** **_has changed_ ** **lance_mccla1n** **_’s name to_ ** **twink]**

 **twink:** i hate you

 **whatahunk:** just go to the three dots and scroll all the way down to account and then look for name and then just change it

 **[ twink** **_has changed their name to_ ** **hotguy ]**

 **pidgtch:** why would you give yourself such a fake name

 **hotguy:** shut your fuck

 

* * *

 

 **(4:36 PM): [ guy-with-knife-fetish** **_→_ ** **“½ homo, ½ nerds” ]**

 

 **guy-with-knife-fetish:** hey lance why are all our towels stained blue 

**hotguy:** hey keith why are your sheets hippopotamus themed

 **guy-with-knife-fetish** : answer the question fucker

 **hotguy:** i thought you were the fucker

 **hotguy:** the knife fucker

 **hotguy** : hahahahahahahh got em

 **guy-with-knife-fetish:** 1) Stop avoiding the question 2) fuck you

 **hotguy:** not until we go on at least two dates

 **hotguy** : (code of honor boys)

 **guy-with-knife-fetish:** theres

 **guy-with-knife-fetish:** theres no one else here

 **pidgtch:** wrong! there is

 **whatahunk:** just keep talking boys. we’re soaking this all up

 **guy-with-knife-fetish:** òwó

 **hotguy:** furry

 **guy-with-knife-fetish:** ashsffjgsdI’m NOT A FURRY

 **guy-with-knife-fetish:** why. are. the. towels. and. my. body. blue.

 **hotguy:** okay so!1

 **hotguy:** i was at my cousin’s america party and they had hair dye so i put some on and then it wouldnt stop staining everything so i tried to wash it off

 **guy-with-knife-fetish:** so you fucked up Every. Single. Towel

 **hotguy** : no i fucked up mine i just wanted to fuck yours up too lmao

 **guy-with-a-knife-fetish:** i am so glad my knife is sharpened(:

 **hotguy:** and i am so glad i’m with hunk and shay(:'

 

* * *

 

 **(11:56 PM): [ hotguy** **_→_ ** **“matt is an anime fucker” ]**

 

 **hotguy:** i’m boooored and i can’t sleep and leave my room or else keith will murder me :(

 **hotguy:** guyssssss :(

 **hotguy** : fuck ya

 **whatahunk:** FUCK YA CHICKEN STRIPS

 **hotguy:** HEY FUCK YA CHICKEN STRIPS

 **hotguy:** four female ghostbusters???

 **pidgtch:** the feminists are taking over!!! (i’m an adult virgin)

 **whatahunk:** the feminists are taking over i’m an ADULT VIRGIN

 **whathunk:** DAMN IT PIDGE

 **pidgtch:** ;)))) when there’s drama at school all you gotta do is

 **hotguy:** wALK AWAAAAaaAaAAAAAAAAY

 **hlepme:** i aint get no sleep cause of yall….

 **whatahunk:** damn even shiro

 **pidgtch:** yeah he doesnt know how to turn off notifs lmao

 **hlepme:** help

 **pidgtch:** ok wait i can get matt here too

 **pidgtch:** DON”T FUCK WITH ME

 **MattyBRapsOfficial:** I HAVE THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON MY SIDE

 **Matt** **yBRapsOfficial:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

 **hotguy:** wow matt youre official now huh

 **MattyBRapsOfficial:** yeah and you’re a liar

 **[ MattyBRapsOfficial** **_has changed_ ** **hotguy’s** **_name to_ ** **twink]**  

 **pidgtch:** lmao like sister like brother

 **twink:** fucl

 **[ twink** **_has changed their name to_ ** **betterthankeith]**  

 **betterthankeith:** much better

 **guy-with-knife-fetish:** go suck a dick suck a dick suck a motherfucking dick

 **pidgtch:** suck a dick, suck a huge or smaaaall dick

 **whatahunk:** hi welcome to mcdonald’s what can i get you today??

 **hlepme:** i wanna fuckin die

 **whatahunk:** same

 **betterthankeith:** can we finish on a grand finale

 **betterthankeith:** R O A D   W O R K A H E A D   ? ? ?

 **pidgtch:** UH YEAH I SURE HOPE IT DOES

 **whatahunk:** UH YEAAAH I SURE HOPE IT DOES 

**MattyBRapsOfficial:** UH YEAH I SUREHOPE IT DOES

 **betterthankeith:** everyone else? dead to me

 **hlepme:** aren’t i already dead inside

 **whatahunk:** mood

 **guy-with-knife-fetish:**  mood

 **pidgtch:** mood

 **MattyBRapsOfficial:** mood

 **betterthankeith:** mood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote some of this on america day can u tell 
> 
> yes the chapter is a reference to arrested development
> 
> bra mystery pt.2 is next
> 
> leave suggestions below xoxo
> 
> i' m tired help


	3. detective furry sherlock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI EVERYONE PLEASE KNOW THAT NOTHING IS BOLD BUT THAT WILL BE FIXED TOMORROW !!!!!!!!
> 
> I TYPED THIS ON MY PHONE AND FOR SOME REASON I CAN’T MAKE ANYTHING BOLD BECAUSE IT GLITCHES BUT ANYWAYS PLEASE ENJOY

**(10:56 AM): [ betterthankeith→ “½ homo, ½ nerds” ]**

 

 **betterthankeith:** ok i know youre all in class but this is important

 **pidgtch:** i’m not

 **betterthankeith:** because you’re a demon who takes night classes

 **betterthankeith:** also why are you awake youre never awake before 12

 **pidgtch:** i have an alarn for when you’re about to spout bullshit

 **betterthankeith:** why am i friends with you

 **pidgtch:** destiny

 **betterthankeith:** ok as i was saying before i was interrupted by a three year old,

 **betterthankeith:** my lucky bra is still gone and i had a vision last night where i spent the rest of my life suffering from bad luck and after thirty years of living alone i finally perish after adopting a black cat and while i was walking with it i went under a ladder and it had a mirror on it and then the ladder fell and the mirror broke and it crushed me

 **pidgtch:** was the cat okay

 **betterthankeith:** i died

 **pidgtch:** but was the cat okay???

 

**(11:05 PM) [ betterthankeith has left the conversation ]**

 

* * *

 

**(12:29 PM): [ betterthankeith→ “matt is an anime fucker” ]**

 

 **betterthankeith:** so none of you have seen my bra???

whatahunk: so none of you have seen my wig???

 **betterthankeith:** wqghbmhgcfws time to die!

 **pidgtch:** but was the cat okay????

 **betterthankeith:** oh my GOD

 **hlepme:** Lance why don’t you go outside and look instead of asking us

 **betterthankeith:** then what’s the point of texting

 **whatahunk:** i will bet anything that it’s inside his house and he doesn’t even realize it

 **pidgtch:** anything?

 **whatahunk:** i’m not betting against you pidge

 **pidgtch:** ANYTHING?

**pidgtch: _then perish_**

**whatahunk:** pidge please;;;

 **pidgtch:** give me $300

 **MattyBRapsOfficial:** ...

 **MattyBRapsOfficial:** i’ll bet

 **betterthankeith:** what the fuck

 **pidgtch:** yeah but you’re my brother. that’s no fun

 **MattyBRapsOfficial:** it’s no fun because i always win

 **pidgtch:** oh my gooooood

 **pidgtch:** oh my GOOOOOD

 **pidgtch:** fine. i’ll bet. try me

 **betterthankeith:** what the FUCK

 **MattyBRapsOfficial:** I, Matthew Samuel Holt, bet that Lance’s Fucking Lucky Bra is in his home and he doesn’t even realize it; if it isn’t I will give Katherine Lucy Holt 300 USD.

 **pidgtch:** I, Katherine Lucy Holt, bet the opposite; and if not, then I will give Matthew Samuel Holt 300 USD.

 **MattyBRapsOfficial:** Damn wait i might not have 300 dollars

 **pidgtch:** it’s too late we typed it out.

 **pidgtch:** and if you win i’ll tell mom you smoked weed in the eighth grade

 **MattyBRapsOfficial:** I’M GONNA TELL MOM YOU BROKE HER GRANDMOTHERS URN

 **pidgtch:** THAT’S NOT IN THE RULES

 **MattyBRapsOfficial:** WHAT YOU SAID WASN’T IN THE RULES EITHER

 **betterthankeith:** does this mean youll help me find my bra uwu?

 **MattyBRapsOfficial:** furry

 **pidgtch:** furry

 **whatahunk:** furry

 **hlepme:** furry

 **betterthankeith:** h

 **betterthankeith:** time to ignore that and officially declare that this is a case for detective lance!! watch out ladies

 **pidgtch:** be careful ladies

 

* * *

 

 

**(2:28 PM): [ betterthankeith→ “detective furry is on the case” ]**

 

 **betterthankeith:** shiro i have a questioooon

 **betterthankeith:** wait when did the chat name change

 **hlepme:** unsure i think i was asleep

 **betterthankeith:** mood

 **betterthakeith:** but still offended because i’m NOT A FURRY

 **MattyBRapsOfficial:** exactly what a furry would say

 **betterthankeith:** FFFFFFF

 **hlepme:** what’s your question, Lance?

 **betterthankeith:** okay so

 **betterthankeith:** when was the last time you saw adam

 **hlepme:** ..why?

 **betterthankeith:** he might have accidentally picked up my bra because i had it with me at the party we had for you

 **hlepme:** why would adam… a grown man….. who i am currently not in contact with…….. have a bra….. when allura….. a grown woman…… was also at party………..

 **betterthankeith:** uh

 **betterthankeith:** i never said i was a GOOD detective

 

* * *

 

**(3:47 PM): [ guy-with-knife-fetish→ whatahunk, pidgtch ]**

 

 **guy-with-knife-fetish:** when are we going to give it back to him

 **whatahunk:** when we get $300 dollars

 **pidgtch:** why’d you type out dollars. it’s enough to type the sign.

 **whatahunk** : shut up don’t be mean

 **guy-with-knife-fetish:** ya’ll don’t have to live with him though

 **guy-with-knife-fetish:** I do

 **pidgtch:** why did we bring you into this again

 **whatahunk:** he read through my phone accidentally

 **guy-with-a-knife-fetish:** i’m saving for this one samurai blade

 **guy-with-knife-fetish:** also hunk aren’t you his best friend why are you doing this

 **whatahunk:** you know oceans 8 when at the end the target gets paid too

 **guy-with-knife-fetish:** no i didn’t see oceans 8

 **whatahunk:** blocked  </3

 **guy-with-knife-fetish:** no please unblock me and explain

 **whatahunk:** just because you said please  <3

 **whatahunk:** ok so

 **pidgtch:** we’re giving lance like 20 bucks for damamges

 **whatahunk:** pidge i was going to explain how Rude

 **pidgtch:** you took too long

 **guy-with-knife-fetish:** thank you pidge

 **whatahunk:** blocked

 **whatahunk:** </3

 **whatahunk:** plus i’m broke and shay’s birthday is soon

 **pidgtch:** i’ll be leaving the bra at allura’s place

 **guy-with-knife-fetish:** why

 **pidgtch:** allura had a mixer like two weeks ago

 **pidgtch:** he brought it because he wanted to be lucky and get laid

 **guy-with-knife-fetish:** did he????

 **pidgtch:** get laid? no

 **guy-with-knife-fetish:** good to know bye

 **whatahunk:** gay

 **pidgtch:** gay!

 

* * *

 

 

**(6:29 PM): [ allura-borealis→ “detective furry is on the case” ]**

 

 **allura-borealis:** i’ve never owned a bra from target so why is there a blue one in my couch

 **betterthankeith:** NO FUCKIGF WAY

 **allura-borealis:** lance i thought you had better taste than this why would this bra be your lucky bra

 **betterthankeith;** uhhh

 **betterthankeith:** cheap

 **betterthankeith:** also i was going to your place RIGHT NOW THIS IS SO LUCKY SEE I TOLD YOU IT WAS A LUCKY BRA

 **betterthankeith:** is my baby safe????

 **allura-borealis:** its fine. and still lucky i guess

 **allura-borealis:** how did i not see this before

 **pidgtch:** never mind that

 **pidgtch:** MATT

 **pidgtch:** i win

 **pidgtch:** my longest yeah boy ever!!!

 **MattyBRapsOfficial:** check ur paypal nerd

 **MattyBRapsOfficial:** also check yourself mom might text you soon wondering about an urn

 **pidgtch:** love you too

 

* * *

 

**(7:45 PM): [ betterthankeith→ “detective furry is on the case” ]**

 

 **betterthankeith:** all is well in the world

 **betterthankeith:** i have my bra back

 **betterthankeith:** i got an a on my essay

 **betterthankeith;** yeehaw,

pidgtch: i was gonna say lance is a Gay Furry Cowboy but hawyee thats keith

 **whatahunk:** rt

 **MattyBRapsOfficial:** rt

 **allura-borealis:** rt

 **guy-with-knife-fetish:** relcuctant rt

 **guy-with-knife-fetish:** also look what i figured out!!!

 

**[ guy-with-knife-fetish has changed their name to kogayne ]**

 

 **pidgtch:** way to stay on brand keith

 **kogayne:**  . .

               \\___/

 **pidgtch:** keith that took you too long to type out please i thought you were good when i took off auto capitalization please just use this :)

 **kogayne:** :)

 

* * *

 

**(10: 04 PM): [ kogayne→ whatahunk, pidgtch ]**

 

 **kogayne:** do any of you feel bad

 **whatahunk:** a bit.. yet lance just got like 50 bucks for ‘no reason’ and now we get to pay off our debts

 **whatahunk:** what about matt though :/

 **pidgtch:** gran-gran gave him that money  and he was going to buy a celine dion cd to start

 **pidgtch:** that money is safe in our hands

 **kogayne:** uwu ok

 **pidgtch:** furry + you know what matt has that we don’t??

 **whatahunk:** Owo?

 **pidgtch:** a steady job!!

 **kogayne:** wait why didnt you call him a furry?

 **pidgtch:** because i know he uses them ironically

 **kogayne:** How do you know i don’t?!

 **pidgtch:** do you

 **pidgtch:** do you really

 **kogayne:** ,no

 **whatahunk:** Furry Confirmed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> will pidge get yelled at for breaking her mom’s urn? will matt ever get his celine dion cd? are lance and allura going to go bra shopping? is shiro mentally stable? where is coran???
> 
> all these questions and more will be answered in the next installment of “The Author Is Dead Inside!!”, coming sooner than you think ;)


	4. sad uwu

**(12:29 PM): [ betterthankeith** **_→_ ** **“detective furry is on the case” ]**

 

 **betterthankeith** : nose

 **betterthankeith** : lol i just typed that with my nose

 **kogayne** : penis

 **betterthankeith** : can i divorce a friend???

 

* * *

 

 **(1:50 PM): [ MattyBRapsOfficial** **_→_ ** **“detective furry is on the case” ]**

 

 **MattyBRapsOfficial:** WHO HAS TWO THUMBS AND IS ABOUT TO GET PAID 7 THOUSAND DOLLARS FOR BEING THE SMARTEST PERSON EVER

 **kogayne:** pidge?

 **betterthankeith:** pidge

 **whatahunk** : pidge

 **hlepme** : pidge

 **MattyBRapsOfficial** : shiro why you know the right answer

 **hlepme:** you worded it wrong

 **MattyBRapsOfficial:** hdhsgsgs although i agree my sister is probably the smartest out of all of us

 **MattyBRapsOfficial** : its me

 **hlepme:** didn’t you also lose part of your thumb when you were eleven

 **hlepme:** so it would be like ‘Who has one thumb and three-quarters and is about to get paid $7,000 for being the second smartest person ever’

 **MattyBRapsOfficial:** shiro please

 **whatahunk** : for what are you getting this money for??

 **betterthankeith:** DOLLA DOLLA BILLS Y’ALL

 **kogayne** : as a texan i’m offended

 **whatahunk:** everyone always asks yeehaw but no one asks heeyaw

 **kogayne:** ain’t that the truth

 **MattyBRapsOfficial:** this official at NASA was so impressed w/ my work that he invited me to go on a trip to their florida base to work for a bit

 **betterthankeith** : holy FUCK

 **betterthankeith:** tell him my details please i’m also a genius,

 **kogayne:** yesterday you mixed white and blacks

 **betterthankeith:** shut your fuck

 **whatahunk:** when do you leave??

 **MattyBRapsOfficial:** tomorrow

 **betterthankeith:** h WHAT

 **MattyBRapsOfficial:** yeah i kinda forgot to tell everyone until now

 **hlepme:** he thought he already did and i had to remind him

 **pidgtch:** ha

 

* * *

 

 **(12:46 PM): [ MattyBRapsOfficial** **_→_ ** **pidgtch]**

 

 **MattyBRapsOfficial:** abt to board the plane

 **MattyBRapsOfficial:** you’ll be okay right???

 **pidgtch:** i’ll be fine i’m a Strong Independent Woman

 **MattyBRapsOfficial:** you’re like 3

 **pidgtch:** shurt up let me enjoy nirvana

 **MattyBRapsOfficial:** sad uwu

 **MattyBRapsOfficial:** lurve u

 **pidgtch:** lurve u too

 

* * *

 

  **(3:57 PM): [ pidgtch** **_→_ ** **betterthankeith ]**

 

 **pidgtch:** hey uh lance

 **betterthankeith:** i’m scared don’t hurt me whats up

 **pidgtch:** ug nvm its dumb

 **betterthankeith:** pidge??? calling something related to herself dumb??? whats wrong

 **pidgtch:** h

 **pidgtch** : can you come over

 **pidgtch:** please

 **betterthankeith** : uh ok give me fifteen minutes

 

* * *

 

 **(4:01 PM): [ betterthankeith** **_→_ ** **whatahunk, kogayne ]**

 

 **betterthankeith:** pidge just invited me over

 **betterthankeith:** there’s no elaborate prank scheduled for me today right

 **whatahunk:** not that i know of

 **whatahunk:** my calendars empty

 **betterthankeith:** you have a calendar

 **betterthankeith:** nvm i dont wanna know but

 **betterthankeith:** why me

 **kogayne:** what the fuck i thought i deleted this

 **kogayne:** also lance we are literally roommates. i am in the n ex t  r o om

 **betterthankeith:** i dont wanna go in your texas/sword hell room no

 **whatahunk:** mood

 **whatahunk:** you should go.

 **betterthankeith:** you added a period thats ominous

 **betterthankeith:** and of course i’m going i just wanna know why

 **betterthankeith:** keith you’ve been friends with her longer

 **kogayne:** we’ve been friends with her for the same time

 **betterthankeith:** ugh you succ

 **kogayne:** i wish

 **betterthankeith:** WHAT

 **whatahunk:** WHAT

 

 **[ kogayne** **_has deleted a message_ ** **]**

 

 **[ kogayne has** **_left the chat_ ** **]**

 

* * *

 

  **(4:19 PM): [ betterthankeith** **_→_ ** **pidgtch ]**

 

 **betterthankeith:** i’m here

 **pidgtch:** the door’s open

 **betterthankeith:** also 4:20 blaze it

 **pidgtch:** you’ve never been high in your life

 **betterthankeith:** whatever *hacker voice* im IN

 

* * *

 

 **Welcome to** **Google** **!**

 

 **Search?** **_→_ ** _CAT VIDEOS THAT CURE SADNESS_

**_recent searches:_ **

  * homesick
  * familysick?
  * i feel sad
  * i miss my famliy



 

* * *

 

  **(7:43 PM): [ whatahunk** **_→_ ** **kogayne]**

 

 **whatahunk:** is lance home he hasn’t been answering my texts

 **whatahunk:** did pidge kill him? god it was sooner than i thought

 **kogayne:** he said he was gonna stay with pidge tonight

 **kogayne:** she doesn’t feel good  

 **kogayne:** sick probably

 **whatahunk:** uhh no i think she misses matt

 **kogayne:**??owo

 **whatahunk:** furry

 

 **[ whatahunk** **_has added_ ** **allura-borealis ]**

 

 **allura-borealis:** furry

 

 **[ allura-borealis** **_has left the chat_ ** **]**

 

 **kogayne:** this is BULLYING

 **whatahunk:** but yeah i know because 1) you’re not the best at empathy 2) i am good ig

 **kogayne:** yeah true

 **whatahunk:** 3) pidge sucks at feelings too and you remember that time shiro matt and her dad went on that research trip for their college and they went missing??

 **kogayne:**..yeah

 **whatahunk:** they didnt get abducted or anything but it was radio silence and pidge lost two people for that time

 **whatahunk:** she’s scarred and doesnt like to be alone

 **kogayne:** why lance

 **whatahunk:** hes a brother?? and an uncle?? and he just makes people feel good

 **kogayne:** true

 **whatahunk:** :0 gay

 

 **[ whatahunk** **_has added_ ** **allura-borealis ]**

 

 **allura-borealis:** gay!

 **kogayne:** omg allura leave

 **allura-borealis:** no!! you’re a gay bitch

 **whatahunk:** uh who isn’t

 **kogayne:** hunk you’re literally straight

 **whatahunk:** that dont mean i dont know zac efron is a beautiful beautiful man

 **allura-borealis:** also you and lance are married

 **whatahunk:** rt

 **kogayne:** hi 911?? i’m calling the police

 **whatahunk:** whyd you tell the police you were calling the police

 **kogayne:** hlep

 

* * *

 

 **(10:43 AM): [ betterthankeith** **_→_ ** **pidgtch ]**

 

 **betterthankeith:** if you need me again dont be afraid to hmu

 **betterthankeith:** also thank you for not murdering me

 **pidgtch:** yeah

 **pidgtch:** thanks for your help

 **betterthankeith:** matt’ll be back soon and then everything will be good

 **betterthankeith:** uwu <3

 **pidgtch:** furry

 **betterthankeith:** aaand she’s back!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m about to board a plane back to the states so i figured this would be a good time to update. please leave ideas i’m struggling and i don’t wanna wait another month before i update. thank you for all the comments and for sticking with this!!! <3


	5. majors + minors

**(1:18 PM): [ whatahunk** **_→_ ** **“detective furry is on the case” ]**

 

 **whatahunk:** ladies and gentlemen and whatever in between, the winner of today’s academy award for the most times switching a major goes to…..

 **whatahunk:** larnce mcclarn!!!

 **allura-borealis:** Again?????

 **kogayne:** yup.

 **kogayne:** he just came back from his appointment with the Dean

 **whatahunk:** what is that like… 9th time???

 **betterthankeith:** 8th you meanie weenies!!!

 **betterthankeith:** this is the last time!!! i swear!

 **kogayne:** that’s what you said the third time

 **whatahunk:** and the fifth time

 **kogayne:** and the sixth time

 **whatahunk:** and now, the eighth time

 **betterthankeith:** ugh i hate and love how synchronized that was!!! but this time. i swear

 **pidgtch:** wanna bet?

 **whatahunk:** pidge oh my GOD not again

 **betterthankeith:** again what?????

betterthankeith: nvm actually

 **pidgtch:** good choice. and bet

 **whatahunk:** don’t do it lance

 **betterthankeith:** fine!!! i’ll bet

 **pidgtch:** you can pick

 **betterthankeith:** uh

 **betterthankeith:** uhh

 **betterthankeith:** uhmmmmm

 **betterthankeith:** ok i looked up some bets and uhhh

 **betterthankeith:** tattoos, money, servitude??/

 **pidgtch:** let the people choose

 **allura-borealis:** tattoos

 **whatahunk:** servitude

 **kogayne:** moneyy

 **pidgtch:** shiro break the tie!!!!

 **betterthankeith:** wtf how do you know shiro’s on

 **hlepme:** she’s admin

 **pidgtch:** and he’s prone to stalking

 **hlepme:** the safest options are servitude and money

 **betterthankeith:** tattoos it is!

 **hlepme:** what no????????????

 **pidgtch:** tattoos, chosen by winner, are given to the loser

 **hlepme:** THAT’S NOT WHAT I SAID

 **betterthankeith:** bet

 **pidgtch:** ok thanks shiro!!!!! i’ll tell my mom that if i lose

 **hlepme:** NO DON’T

 

* * *

 

 **( 5:02 PM): [ MattyBRapsOfficial** **_→_ ** **hlepme ]**

 

 **MattyBRapsOfficial:** YOU”RE LETTING MY SISTER GET A TATTOO?????

 **hlepme:** NO NO NO

 **hlepme:** THAT”S NOT WHAT I SAID

 

* * *

 

 **( 11:43 AM ): [ whatahunk** **_→_ ** **“detective furry is on the case” ]**

 

 **whatahunk:** tensions are high on campus, as pidge holt and lance mcclain try to win the bet started three days ago that will result in the dirty dirty loser getting their body defaced with permanent ink, sponsored by shiro

 **hlepme:** NO THAT”S NOT WHAT I SAID

 

 **[ pidgtch** ** _has muted_** **hlepme** ** _for_** **59:99** **minutes ]**

 

 **whatahunk:** thank you pidge!! how rude.

 **whatahunk:** as i was saying, lance mcclain had previously started college with a major in public relations to, quote, “get clout”. recently lance mcclain has switches his major for the NINTH T I M E from zoology to theater/arts.

 **whatahunk:** the terms of the bet are that if lance yet again changes his major, then pidge must choose out or design a tattoo that lance will get somewhere on his body wherever he chooses, and if he stays with the major for another six months, then pidge must do the same.

 **whatahunk:** lance claims that theater, once his minor, was changed into his major because it’s something he is sure he will not change again. he is now minoring in public health. pidge says it is, quote, “BULLLLLLSHTTTTT”

 **whatahunk:** and now allura with the weather

 **allura-borealis:** it’s white people season and white people are being weird and burning stuff from a sports brand that they think oppresses them

 **allura-borealis:** what will they wear now??? adidas??????

 

* * *

 

 **( 3:43 PM ): [ betterthankeith** **_→_ ** **whatahunk, kogayne ]**

 

 **betterthankeith:** uhhhh

 **betterthankeith:** i am not taking theatre anymore,,,,,

 **kogayne:** get the tattoo on your ass

 **whatahunk:** lance it’s been three days

 **betterthankeith:** I KNOW I KNOW BUT

 **betterthankeith:** I DIDN”T TECHNICALLY CHANGE IT

 **betterthankeith:** CORAN DID

 **whatahunk:** why would coran, the assistant dean, who’s been present for all those changing majors meetings, let you change your major, from something you love, to something else,

 **kogayne:** yeah what he said

 **betterthankeith:** he said i could keep minoring in theater and stuff but that he talked it over with teachers and with all the classes i’ve taken from changing my majors the past two years he suggested i major in nursing

 **betterthankeith:** then he signed me up. with no warning. just did it. i had no choice

 **kogayne:** wa

 **kogayne:** wait

 

 **[ kogayne** **_has added_ ** **pidgtch** **_to the chat_ ** **]**

 

 **kogayne:** read up

 **pidgtch:** this SUCKS

 **betterthankeith:** huh??????? don’t i lose?????

 **whatahunk:** not technically,

 **betterthankeith:** eggsplain

 **pidgtch:** this SUCKS BECAUSE I SIGNED THE BET CONTRACT AND IT’S SACRED AND IF I DON’T COMPLY I’M A TECHNICAL LOSER OF THE BET AND I’VE NEVER LOST BUT SINCE YOU DIDN’T TECHNICALLY CHANGE YOUR MAJOR AND CORAN WINS THAT MEANS we both lose and win. it’s a tie

 **kogayne:** what’s the tiebreaker?

 **pidgtch:** i didn’t have one

 **betterthankeith:** so do we both get a tattoo or nobody does

 **whatahunk:** uh

 

**[ whatahunk has added HLEPME to the chat ]**

 

 **whathunk:** nice name change shiro!! what is your opinion

 **HLEPME:** NO TATTOOS

 **pidgtch:** ok

 **pidgtch:** there’s a tattoo parlor ten minutes away from campus.

 **kogayne:** lance and i will pick you up

 **whatahunk:** i’ll text allura and meet you there

 **HLEPME:** NO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> except at least another update by sunday because i have a long weekend and i wanna take advantage before i have to go back to school and in turn, the soon death of voltron in november!!! sorry this was short, but i'm tired i need to get to a better sleep schedule
> 
> xoxo, archer

**Author's Note:**

> oof more info:
> 
> -why am i putting so much thought into this chat fic  
> -matt and pidge live together because mom said so  
> -shiro lives with allura  
> -keith and lance live together reluctantly  
> -hunk lives with shay ig  
> -shiro graduated last year but matt took a gap year and still has to finish off his engineering degree  
> -hunk is also planning to get an engineering degree but he's only in his sophomore year of college  
> -pidge, my goddess, is in her freshman year even though she is young(er)  
> -lance just keeps switching. he doesn't know. help  
> -allura? queen. also graduated. 
> 
> hope you enjoyed!! <3
> 
> comment what u think and your favorite vines that i can add sometime (also more people coming soon)


End file.
